Wrestling with the Wind
by Elaine Reimers, Adult Ministry Director
In 2 Corinthians chapter 12 verses 1-10, the apostle Paul wrote about where his strength in hardship and weakness came from. He recognized, although he wrestled with God as he cried out three times pleading with Him to remove the thorn from his flesh, that God’s grace was sufficient for him because His power is made perfect in weakness (verses 8-9). I am sure many of us can relate to that feeling of a thorn in our flesh. Your thorn could be a chronic illness, a toxic relationship, a living arrangement, or maybe even a painful memory. There are many things that can be considered a thorn in the flesh that seemingly keep us from progressing and can put a damper on achieving our goals and seeing dreams come true. I know I am not the only one who has dreams, goals, and aspirations. There are many things I want to accomplish and see come to fruition before my time on this Earth is up. I (probably selfishly) would like to be able to choose how I spend my time, who I spend my time with, and who I help and how I help them. Of course, there are many other things I would like to be able to control when it comes to what my life is and what it will become; there is nothing easy about surrendering our will for ourselves and voluntarily accepting God’s will for our lives. Although this exchange of wills will probably never be a cut and dried operation, it is important to realize that in our wrestling with God between His and our will, we can discover freedom, joy, and peace about the future that, in all reality, only He knows.
I was not born with a clue of what I wanted to be when I grew up, but as I have matured into the slightly intellectual person I am today, it has become very clear to me that I still absolutely do not have the slightest clue of what I want to be when I grow up! I could, however, list a myriad of things I do not want to be… Is it really necessary to know, without a doubt, what I want to do for the balance of my life? Do I have to have it all together and know what I’ll be doing a year from now? Ten years from now? So much of what we see and hear today tries its best to make us think that without a plan we will be left behind, and our life will be meaningless and worthless. We unknowingly search for guidance and comfort when we scroll through posts and blogs on social media as we also struggle with the fear of missing out. But, wait, what happens when a quiet and subtle voice says “My child, you don’t have to do all that- you’re doing too much. You’re worrying too much. You’re looking in the wrong places. Don’t you see? You’re making your plans without even considering my plans for you..!” Many times, His voice will contradict our false and fleshly sense of autonomy; and it has the invisible power to uproot everything we thought we knew just as a tree is plucked out of the ground by a tornado.
Unfortunately, our flesh and His will are and will almost never be in agreement. Fortunately, He is the All-Powerful, All-Sovereign, and All-Knowing God and I believe that we can trust Him just as Jeremiah trusted Him when God said to him in Jeremiah 29:11: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
Some of you may, or may not, know that I am currently walking through something of a windstorm. I have been wrestling with this wind of God now for soon-to-be three months and did not recognize it for what it is until about a month ago- I am wrestling with my Creator and the Author of my life! I have been unconsciously (okay, also sometimes consciously) plugging both my ears and singing “fa-la-la-la-la-la-la” as loud as I can to drown out the wind swirling around me that just won’t let up. I feel it pushing and pulling me in all directions out of nowhere. I have tried to hold my tree to the ground and keep those roots covered, safe, and undisturbed because, (and I shout to the wind, crying and in deep despair): “before this all happened I was just fine! My tree was growing strong and steady! I was nurturing it daily. It had the perfect amount of branches and flowers. I laid under it daily, mesmerized with its growing beauty, and it protected me.” I have verbalized my feelings of discomfort, loss, anger, and disappointment to a few people in my circle who have listened to and encouraged me so graciously as I have experienced all of the new branches that are pushing through the surface of my tree’s trunk. They have been witnesses to my wrestling with God as He begins to replace my discomfort with calmness, my loss with gain, my anger with delight, and my disappointment with enjoyment. Praise Jesus for the joy that comes in the morning! I am not all the way there but I know with all my heart that He is the only One who could have pulled me out of the pit I was in just a short while ago- He makes beauty from ashes!
It has been challenging to take life as it has been inevitably coming at me and to make the best of it regardless of the type of flowers that bloom on my tree’s new branches, but I am a witness to the power of God and His unending love for each of us and I trust that when I finally decide to allow Him to yank the roots out and plant a new thing that it will be wonderful and beautiful and beyond what I could ever think, dream, or imagine! Is it scary to just have that blind faith and allow things to happen to you even amidst all the doubts and questions? Yes! Of course it is! Have I pleaded with God to hurry up and get me past this situation so my life can go back to normal? One hundred percent! Have I told Him what my plans were before this and how I will never be able to fulfill my dreams and reach my goals if I have to stay in this for even one more day? Yes… and that sweet, small, subtle voice replies: “My daughter, what if you can do both? What if you do this for Me and you can fulfill your dreams also? I will help you. Trust me. Can’t you just trust Me?” I cannot truthfully say that when I look up at my tree from my place of repose beneath it that I don’t see branches I would like to prune (or to just completely cut off), but I am choosing to trust that God knows what is best for me and that, although I feel weak and weakened by the unexpected calamities around me, that His grace is sufficient for me; and I echo Paul when he wrote: “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, NIV)
I would like to encourage each one of you reading this to consider that maybe our wrestlings with God don’t have to be a time to compare His will against ours. Maybe it’s a time to allow God to wrestle with our flesh on our behalf and conform it to Him. Maybe your wrestling with Him looks and feels nothing like mine. I believe what is most important is that we are wrestling because that is when we are the most connected to Him and the most open to hearing what He has to say. Let’s unplug our ears and suit up for the matches to come. It’s worth it! You are worth it! He is worth it. God bless you, in Jesus’ name. Amen and amen.
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